You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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