You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
