Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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