I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
