So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
