I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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