We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
