I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
