she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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