i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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