If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
