4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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