Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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