Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
