Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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