Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
