he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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