I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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