its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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