The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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