They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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