watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
