I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
