Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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