She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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