just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
