started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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