Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
