he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
