New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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