He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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