No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
