She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
