he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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