she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.