Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!