Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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  (810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl
  Replies (3) Good night (978) Bad night (1912)
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  (310): View more from California

  Swine flu. Run for my life!

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  (310) Swine flu. Run for my life! http://tfl.nu/6pt3
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (549)
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  (415): View more from California

  Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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  (415): Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius. http://tfl.nu/jxsz
  Replies (21) Good night (4896) Bad night (843)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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  (803): I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15 http://tfl.nu/mt2n
  Replies (33) Good night (7540) Bad night (707)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

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  (602): So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better. http://tfl.nu/qcgw
  Replies (79) Good night (3988) Bad night (7692)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

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  (202): Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again. http://tfl.nu/k4e9
  Replies (89) Good night (1408) Bad night (10128)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

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  (778): You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it http://tfl.nu/gf74
  Replies (7) Good night (4150) Bad night (1407)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

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  (513): Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol http://tfl.nu/0mrj
  Replies (2) Good night (2661) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.

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  (402): You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair. http://tfl.nu/auy6
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (1060)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up

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  (+44): Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up http://tfl.nu/86tf
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other

  (1-979): View more from Texas

  LOL its 11 am

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  (979): Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other (1-979): LOL its 11 am http://tfl.nu/yfdw
  Replies (7) Good night (1041) Bad night (325)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?

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  (605): seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys? http://tfl.nu/ijfs
  Replies (9) Good night (748) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.

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  (315): Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now. (1-315): FUCK NYC TRAFFIC. http://tfl.nu/xj14
  Replies (2) Good night (840) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING

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  (410): SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING http://tfl.nu/00e7
  Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I need vitamin water and Jesus :/

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  (309): I need vitamin water and Jesus :/ http://tfl.nu/afzj
  Replies (1) Good night (198) Bad night (104)

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