i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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