is your mom at the bar?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult