Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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