Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.