I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.