if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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