lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
