tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
