apparently the secret to your success is patron
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
