Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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