Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i dont even know how to be here
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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