I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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