You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
