Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left your phone here
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