I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.