This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize