Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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  (310): My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one... http://tfl.nu/9s73
  Replies (6) Good night (659) Bad night (1126)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (1138) Bad night (850)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you definitely held a convo with a hobo

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we have a secret handshake

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  (610): you definitely held a convo with a hobo (1-610): we have a secret handshake http://tfl.nu/i4o5
  Replies (25) Good night (4473) Bad night (679)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.

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  (703): i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/7io7
  Replies (12) Good night (862) Bad night (4308)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?

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  (269): You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me? http://tfl.nu/2kws
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (624)
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  (415): View more from California

  i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation

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  (415): i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation http://tfl.nu/jvhd
  Replies (7) Good night (2378) Bad night (717)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.

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  (678): Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago. http://tfl.nu/b245
  Replies (13) Good night (1654) Bad night (791)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists

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  (251): dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists http://tfl.nu/lizw
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (524)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.

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  (206): Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended. http://tfl.nu/3jtg
  Replies (6) Good night (926) Bad night (780)
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  (619): View more from California

  Topless dodge ball cldnt top that

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  (619): Topless dodge ball cldnt top that http://tfl.nu/nbsl
  Replies (6) Good night (942) Bad night (447)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?

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  (612): So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me? (319): will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls? http://tfl.nu/9asz
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (1025)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.

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  (480): He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart. http://tfl.nu/1a7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1164) Bad night (421)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.

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  (713): Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application. http://tfl.nu/jvuq
  Replies (5) Good night (331) Bad night (721)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off

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  (978): Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off http://tfl.nu/6y1x
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.

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  (254): You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived. http://tfl.nu/r7ld
  Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (217)

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