he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it