have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday