he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
