i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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