Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
