Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
