Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
