somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
