I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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