You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
