He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
