Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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