I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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