was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
