Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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