Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
