Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it glows. i had to have it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
