Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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