Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
