you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
