Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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