Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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