he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
