I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
