I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize