I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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