Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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