im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
