yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're breaking my sexual little heart
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
