Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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