God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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