Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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