Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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